Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
