fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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