were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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