True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
