at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It was confusing and full of hummus
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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