I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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