considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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