the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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