well you can't waste a boner
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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