My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize