I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He has the fingertips of a God
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