What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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