Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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