i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
