he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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