Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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