sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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