Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
