we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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