I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize