They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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