Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
where am i from again
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
