Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
