Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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