ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
