dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
