how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
How does one acquire holy water?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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