Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
