cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize