Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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