The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
