Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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