My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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