It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
