When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
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