I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
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