We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Green mimosas i think yes
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
