I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
