I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
