Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
