She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
