Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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