dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
