At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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