OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize