I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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