smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I supernannyed him into submission
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
