Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
