my vag is so smooth its legendary
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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