guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
