i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
