I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
