Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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