it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
are you so shy because you have an std?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize