You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
