I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
