i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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