Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
