I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
