I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
