so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
