HIV tests are more positive than that guy
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
