I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
