You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
