we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm sobbing to NWA
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
