UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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