if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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