12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
