btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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