nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You are the jesus of drinking
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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