Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
