Your mouth is God's brothel.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Randomize
