Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
