my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
