First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
