I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
