oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
