How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
