Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
