If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
