This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
