dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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