Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Randomize
