The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
