you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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