Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
