Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
