he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Oh god it's open bar.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
