I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
