So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sext me about skeletons
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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