i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize