you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
