im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
