I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She's the barista slut.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
