Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
