Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
