I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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