This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize