About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
