You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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